Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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