Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
