Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Congratulations! We have a period
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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