At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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