I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
