I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize