just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
