mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
