Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
