I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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