On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize