Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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