I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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