why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
