you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
