Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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