If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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