Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
