You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
