It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
