Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
