I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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