After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
