the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
