i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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