so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
