there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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