Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
