dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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