you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
