Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
