I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
