Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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