So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
