Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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