used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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