I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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