She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
