Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
