In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i already hear my dad disowning me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
