He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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