he thought i was a dude.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
