I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
