I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize