Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
