Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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