i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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