he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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