we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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