he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
