i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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