Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
