im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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