There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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