i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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