he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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