seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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