i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
