you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Who died my cat blue again?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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