Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
