Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
