and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
