just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
