Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
