He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
