it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
