I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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