Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize