Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
