i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize