brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
