Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
