I cockslap morals
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
