You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
