We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
