Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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