Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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