i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
