Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
