we have officially lost it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
