i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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