you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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