i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
