i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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