So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
