Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
