Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
