in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
