Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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