why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
