You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
