cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
