Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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