Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize